i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Randomize
