Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
