i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
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