Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
Randomize
