i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
I feel like a drive thru vagina
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
Randomize
