Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
Randomize
