Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
The cops high fived after they tackled you
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Randomize
