I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Randomize
