Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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