im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
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