Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
