Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
