You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
Randomize
