On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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