I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
