if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Randomize