If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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