you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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