i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
Randomize
