I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
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