things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
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