I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
Randomize