I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
