she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
