Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
Be still, my beating vagina.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
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