I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
I could have mohawked her pubes.
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
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