You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
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