Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
Randomize
