when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Randomize
