Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
Randomize
