Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
Randomize
