mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Randomize
