that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
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