If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
Randomize
