I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
Randomize
