I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Randomize
