shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
my nose is crying tears of wow.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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