I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
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I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
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