I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
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