I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
Randomize