Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
