I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
