I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
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