I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
did i walk over a car last night?
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Randomize
