im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
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