Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Randomize
