someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
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