So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
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