Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
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