Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
Randomize
