you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
Randomize
