ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
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so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
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I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
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