i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
Randomize
