I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
