can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
Randomize
