u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
