Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
Randomize
