It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
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ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
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