She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
