I think my vagina is haunted
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
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