dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
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