So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Randomize
