Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
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