I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
Randomize
